It takes a village, so they say, but villages are far and few between these days. In the late-90’s to mid-00’s my mother’s sisters would gather at our home with all their children, and together they would tackle the daily tasks of being mothers and homemakers. Or sometimes they would sit in bed watching The Nanny while us kids wrecked havoc. Those times spent in bed binging tv or chatting about their dream homes seemed to recharge their energy however. Something I did not realize was a privilege only a few get nowadays.
Some weeks ago during a conversation I told my mother “Nobody told me motherhood would be so lonely.” My mom, living over a thousand miles away from me, replied with empathy and then stated “It’s not supposed to be.” It was then that I realized not only was I lacking a village close to me, but I just might be suffering from Postpartum Depression. Off to the doctor I went where he prescribed me Sertraline since I’m still breastfeeding my daughter. I also have a therapy appointment coming up to get into the nitty gritty of why I’m feeling this way.
Since I’m not the only one suffering from Postpartum Depression I’ve decided to share my tips to those without a village (and even those with one!) on how to survive mothering during a depressive episode.
If you believe you may be suffering from Postpartum Depression please reach out to your doctor or talk to someone you trust. Postpartum can be lonely but it doesn’t have to be.
With that said, let’s get into it!
1. Prepackaged fruit and veggies, microwavable meals, and yogurt cups are a must.
Some might boo at this, but unless you’ve been in the thick of a depressive episode while your toddler screams because 5 minutes is too long to wait for an egg and your newborn cries to be carried, the tv is on with Ms Rachel singing every 2 minutes, and some random toy is going off, you just won’t get it.
I’m not saying this is an every day occurrence (unless you need it to be, no judgement here!), but maybe just for the days where the depression has you by the ankles like two ball chains. Prepackaged and canned fruit and veggies aren’ t only a lifesaver during those days, but also just as nutritious as fresh fruit and veggies!
These are perfect for your toddler and yourself! I understand too well that feeling of exhaustion making your child something nutritious to eat while neglecting your own needs, but to be a functional and well mama (especially if you’re breastfeeding!) you need your energy. So grab some boiled eggs, microwave some pieces of bacon, and eat a container of yogurt to keep your energy up.
2. A wrap carrier will be your bestie.
While you won’t be able to do heavy duty tasks while wearing your baby, the wrap or sling will become essential to your everyday routine. Especially during the beginning when your baby is so tiny and just wants to be near you!
Getting to the dishes, folding the laundry, working on your computer, watching tv, or just getting to hang out with other children if you have them will be less stressful when your baby is snuggling against you. Personally I can even wear my 4 month old while toting around my 16 month old on my hip if needed!
Definitely do your own research and select a wrap that works best for you and your family. There are so many options on Amazon; Walmart and Target even carry them, as well as stores like TJMaxx and Burlington. If you’re not a fan of the carrier or sling, but still choose to utilize one, just remember that this isn’t forever, and eventually they’ll wanna be on the ground exploring instead of being wrapped on you!
3. If possible, do actually sleep when the baby sleeps.
I know, you want to ugh loudly and long because this is such old advice, but I feel sleep is so important when you’re depressed and exhausted. That first week home alone with my new baby and toddler was a circus. However, my son and I already established a routine prior to my daughter being born, and while it took two weeks to get her adjusted, she quickly became a fan of the routine and will now scream if we dare stray from it.
So, though it may take a week or two, establish a routine, and then sleep when your baby sleeps. At least one time a day, and a few times a week. Since my toddler only has one nap a day, I get to sleep once a day too (not counting night sleep), and it usually makes all the difference in how I feel. Especially when I frequently wake up in the night for night feedings.
If you’re like me, especially at first, you’ll feel there are a million things to do and feel the pressure to do them while exhausted and depressed. You’re allowed to rest though. If you felt you needed a sign, this is that sign. Make sure your little one is fed, diaper is clean, and clothes are comfy, then set them wherever they sleep, and take a nap too. Let the world pause momentarily. The dishes will get done when they’re done, the laundry will be folded, the toys put away, but for now just get any rest you can.
4. Having a caddy will help organize the chaos, even a bit.
I love my caddy! I bought mine when my son was 3 months old, but I wish I had gotten one sooner. Some people use carts or bins, which are fine, but the mobility of my caddy is flawless. I only have what I need in there, which leaves an empty space for quick clean ups.
For instance, if you have an empty pocket and see a toy on your way to another room, you can just toss the toy in the caddy to get it out of the way. Want to keep a spare outfit nearby for accidents or spit up? Toss one in the caddy. Need a place for quick snacks for you or your toddler? Toss it in the caddy. Baby finished the bottle but you’re not quite ready to go to your kitchen to wash yet? Toss it in the caddy! This will keep surfaces clear so clutter is not making your depression worse.
5. Put the baby down when their crying becomes too much, and walk away. Seriously.
When facing postpartum depression you may experience frustration unlike before, and when you have someone who depends on you but cannot voice their reasons for crying, then it can become too much at times. Don’t let yourself get to the point of frustration where you might do or say something you regret.
Put your baby down in their bassinet or wherever they sleep, close the door if needed, and go several steps away, or to another room. Set a timer for 10 minutes and just breathe. Don’t think about how angry or frustrated you are, don’t stew or brood, just breathe and tell yourself it’s okay. Because it is or will be. You can even phone a family member or friend if they’re available. I definitely called my mom bawling my eyes out so many times! Once you feel emotionally reset go back to your baby and begin again.
Those are my 5 tips for mothering during a postpartum depressive episode, from my own experience.
It can be so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but remember that even if you cannot see it, there is a light there. Aside from utilizing any of my tips please be sure to reach out to a professional if possible to get the help you deserve, whether that’s medication, therapy, or a parent support group, you shouldn’t have to face this alone, because you’re absolutely not!
What are some things that helped you through postpartum depression, or what is some advice you would give others navigating motherhood with postpartum depression? Let me know in the comments!
xo, Beth.
